Ecology of life. When old wounds open and pain gushing like a bucket, when, as in the worst dream, you are suddenly left completely alone and it is not clear who to blame for this .... so that the heart does not harden, and the soul does not dry out, it is important to allow yourself to cry ...

When old wounds open and pain gushing like a bucket when, as in the worst dream, you are suddenly left all alone and it is not clear who to blame for this .... so that the heart does not harden, and the soul does not dry out, it is important to allow yourself to cry ... Tears will wash the wound.

With deepest love and regret, fill it with memories of how you once were and what path you had to go through in order to allow yourself to simply cry in complete safety, sitting serenely on your sofa today.

And maybe you were even lucky and there was a friend near you who nods to the beat of your sobs and curses all those who offended you. He probably knows how tears heal, how they burn out everything that gives rise to them: resentment burns in the heart with a blue flame, events are dispelled by ashes in memory, healed by the scar tissue of the wound ... And gradually .... over time ... peace and grace will reign in the empty conflagration ...

how to heal your heartache

To a greater or lesser extent, such sore spots exist in each of us. Because there are no surprises in life. And with many of them it is completely not clear how to cope.

Great nature has laid in our nervous system three standard ways of responding to any physical and psychological danger. Two of them - flight and fight - are quite reasonable and logical. When a person is faced with an incomprehensible or dangerous situation, his body is immediately filled with strength to cope with the circumstances or in some way to avoid them.

When, for any of the reasons, it is impossible to dump this energy through action, a person instinctively resorts to the third method - he freezes. All the tension that has arisen in the body remains bound within the nervous system until the very moment when the “danger” has passed. Scientists call this reaction - immobilization. Most often, the injury is born in this place. It arises not so much because we freeze, but because we do not die when it is already quite safe to do so.

how to heal psychological trauma

In other words, trauma is the remnants of the accumulated psychological and, accordingly, physical stress, which somehow breaks out and requires a way out. That is why people who have experienced trauma sometimes behave strangely. They keep replaying memories of the trauma in their minds. They literally live in the past, coming up with different real and unreal options for how it could be. They refuse to accept reality. They return to the “scene”. They may even build any new relationship in such a way as to relive the traumatic event. So, a person rejected in love, in a new relationship will not only be afraid of rejection, but will also do everything to ensure that he is rejected again. Psychologists even have a term - "the trauma of the rejected."

From the point of view of sanity, such behavior seems stupid. Friends, relatives, parents, wives and husbands are advised to immediately begin to behave reasonably. They are unaware that a person, returning physically or emotionally to his trauma, is actually acting intuitively or even instinctively very wisely. He rushes to the place where intense tension was born in order to be able to do what did not work out then - to reset, or, more simply, to use up stagnant energy. He just doesn't really understand how to do it right. And in the end, the return leads to repeated heavy feelings and emotions, which only increase the trauma. It seems to be running in a spiral, tightly twisting trauma into the very depths of the human soul.

However, turning this path back, despite all the apparent difficulties, is quite feasible for every person, especially with professional help. You can start with a simple understanding that at the biological level, survival is important for any individual who finds himself in a difficult psychological or physiological situation. This is the oldest instinct, without which people would not exist in this world. It cannot be controlled by even the most enlightened and spiritually developed mind. Survived means won! This is the simple and clear logic of nature and human nature. This is the starting point from which the healing of any injury begins.

So, it's time to take care of your own wounds. Please think about what injury, pain or wound you would like to start healing today…. Now honestly ask yourself:

WHAT DID I DO TO SURVIVE?

I always ask this question very first, because in an acute negative state a person tends to see his mistakes and mistakes more. At the same time, he absolutely devalues ​​everything that he has already been able to do to cope with a painful situation. Sometimes, one simple realization: “I did everything I understood and could at that time” - brings tremendous relief.

When you begin to constructively and gradually analyze the situation in which you were hurt so badly, you suddenly notice that you could have acted in many other ways, which, perhaps, would have led to different results or consequences. I make sure that these remarks do not fall as an internal reproach on an already sick heart, but with respect for the lessons that have already been learned thanks to a new, unfortunately sad, experience.

What can you do if a person really quickly and effectively learns solely from his suffering. So, it's time to separate the experience you've had from what you've learned from it:

What have I learned from this situation?

What did you understand?

What did I see differently?

How to act correctly, to say what to do if something similar starts happening to me next time?

And only when all your own merits are seen and appreciated, and all the lessons are thoroughly learned, you can go further and ask yourself:

WHAT DID I NOT DO BUT HELPED ME SURVIVE?

This important question can turn your whole life upside down.

One of my raped clients, five years after the horrific event, was still scolding and punishing herself for not resisting, fighting, screaming, or biting. The girl literally brought herself to exhaustion and exhaustion, until she suddenly realized that it was her humility and silence, in the literal sense of the word, that helped her stay alive. The time has come for pure and sincere tears, full of gratitude to yourself. With all these tears flowed away and torment. For the first time in many years, the soul of a very young girl was filled to the brim with peace and quiet.

Almost always, such realizations and understandings alleviate the general condition, but rarely do they heal the trauma itself. It is like an onion that must be carefully peeled layer by layer to get to the core. The first layer is the semantic integration of traumatic experience into life. The questions that I have shared above will help you with this. It is quite possible to answer them on your own. Now it's time to move on.

The heart of any mental wound lives in our memory, pulsates in our nerves and twists our entire body. Healing trauma is possible only by releasing tension on all three levels. Memory, emotions and the body, which directly lives all this, are inseparably connected with each other. You pull one thread and you will certainly begin to unravel the whole tangle of traumatic pain.

For convenience, I will break the technique into several steps:

Step 1: Create an internal trauma map.

At this point, I will ask you to turn to your memory. Recall the very beginning of the situation, which later turned out to be unbearable, difficult and (or) painful for you. If you dare to work on your own, and not with your psychologist or psychotherapist, it is better to take a sheet of paper to simply write a detailed story about what happened to you and how in chronological order.

However, these will not be just memories in the usual sense of the word. I ask you to be very attentive to yourself and note:

• what moments in your description no longer cause any emotions in you;
• at what moments your body reacts sharply with tears, excitement, fear or even anger. It doesn’t matter what the emotion is, even if you can’t name it, but your body responds to the memory with any discomfort, mark it for yourself. It is better to highlight these points with a marker.

As a result, at this step you must see with your own eyes not only at what moment certain emotions appeared, but also what stimulus caused them. It can be anything: someone's word, a smell, a picture in front of your eyes, your own thought.

For example, one of my clients first experienced an acute sense of helplessness when, in early childhood, she was tied to a medical chair to cut out her tonsils. This feeling came at the very moment when the doctor tightened the bandages. The feeling of stiffness in her hands haunted her for most of her life. For some, it was just an unpleasant operation, but for my client, it turned into a psychological trauma that was reflected in her entire subsequent life.

By and large, you need to find the very birth of the mental pain that haunts you and determine what exactly served this birth.

Step 2: Search for opportunities and ways to release ALL stuck feelings and states.

release the heartache

In fact, this stage can take you from several minutes to several weeks. Everything solely depends on your ability to express real experiences in the form of specific actions, deeds, words and emotions. I used the word “real” because sometimes suppressed emotions can transform into other states and feelings that a person notices in himself and focuses on them as negative. So, depression very often (not always!) hides aggression that is not expressed in an acceptable way, which you will not immediately see behind an unhappy and depressed face.

At this stage, we are just going to explore our real initial impulses that are stuck in us. To do this, you again need to return to your memory. At the very beginning of the event, which we have already begun to analyze. And I will ask you to start living this memory in your memory in chronological order, as you did in the first step. However, this time we will slightly correct your memory. Each time you come to the most emotional moments of your difficult event, stop and think:

HOW DO I WANT TO ANSWER? APPLY? DO? REACT?

And only when you decide on the answer, show in your imagination this reaction to the fullest extent possible. In the therapeutic process, I actively connect the body to work. If a person wants to scream, he screams; if he wants to fight, he fights; to speak out, he speaks out. One rule works here: “how many painful, annoying stimuli have come, so many people must give out responses and reactions to these stimuli.” Pretty meticulous and intense work.

One of my clients was going through a difficult divorce. It's been a little over two years since her marriage broke up, but she seems to be stuck in that time. She lived as if the divorce was still going on.

When we began to work with her, we noticed that she dutifully listened to a lot of negative statements and accusations against her from her husband. Perhaps it was easier for him, but he blamed his wife entirely for the deplorable situation of their family. The rather tortured woman was silent, crying, apologizing, promising to change. However, a huge storm of indignation was seething inside her. In fact, she had something to answer her husband. But the fear of being alone and the hope that everything can be fixed made her keep silent.

First of all, we decided that there really is no chance. More than two years have passed. The divorce took place officially and physically. They no longer live together. He left for another family. So it makes sense to look at what is stuck in her soul and is still inexorably disturbing. At first timidly, then more and more boldly, the great pain of a woman living in deep loneliness in her own family fell out on me in the form of a stream of words. She managed to express and express all reproaches, remarks, hopes, feelings, thoughts. Everything I wanted to say at that moment to my husband. And as soon as the last words disappeared into the air, there was silence. A deep breath and: “Now it seems to me that getting a divorce was the right decision for me in the first place” ... Is it worth noting that a completely different story began next?

I will share with you another therapy, which for me at that time turned out to be one of the most difficult professionally and personally:

A very young young man had a chance to meet the tragic death of a loved one. He bravely endured the news of his death, the funeral and three years of his subsequent life. Friends and relatives admired the endurance of his spirit. He approached me as a specialist in psychosomatics. He was tormented by severe headaches, which over time only intensified even more. Medicines didn't help much.

We began by simply listening to the pain, which, like thunder, with increasing force, dispersed with a characteristic crackle along the entire inner surface of the skull. The pain grew, throbbed and beat. It grew.. pulsated and beat... When you listen to your illness, or rather the feeling that is associated with it, you will certainly come to its beginning, to its peculiar origin on the time scale of our life history. There, in this place, maybe even in a very distant past, something else is happening, something in our inner world has not yet ended, and for some reason we have overlooked it. Illness draws our attention to the past so that we can help resolve what it is time to end.

Very quickly, in one of the first hypnotic sessions, a headache led the young man to the only memory left in his mind of that tragic period of his life. Then, just after the familiar voice on the telephone, talking about the death of the girl, he first felt a sharp blow inside his head. A bright lightning flashed and thundered the thought: “No! That's impossible!" And then the fog ... fragments of thoughts about the need to pull himself together ... And the memory receded, erasing behind it all the feelings and memories that could prevent him from controlling himself. Whenever a person stops the natural physical or mental processes in himself, he pays an exorbitant price with his health and, ultimately, with his life.

Trauma is such a natural process in which a person learns to cope with an unexpected, non-standard and difficult situation for him. My client, in order to look decent, was able to stop the heartache. But even deeply hidden, she found loopholes and manifested itself in the form of a headache.

Three therapy sessions in a row, just one resounding “No!” sounded in my office. He was beaten back by punches against the wall. It poured out with malicious claims to death and hatred for all those who are still so carelessly alive. Literally with vomiting from the inside of the human came a refusal to accept such a blatant, absolutely incomprehensible injustice into his life. This hysteria continued for some time, until at one moment tears splashed ... and exorbitant grief spread like a huge deep ocean before our eyes:

How can I be now? How can I be now? the man was crying softly...

To be, my good, to be ... - a timid whisper echoed in time ...

We worked together for a little over eight months. During this time, the headaches gradually disappeared, reconciling my client with a reality in which, unfortunately, there is a place for real losses.

This step on the path to healing trauma is the most difficult. I don't recommend it to anyone to go it alone. But if you still decide, live your trauma competently in your inner world, adding to your memories all the nuances that I described above. I'm not really asking you to change your memories. But I ask you to supplement them with all those hidden, unmanifested things that were born and took place. You are always bigger, which means stronger.

heal spiritual wounds

My dear reader, sometimes it is not at all easy to live in this wide world. I only wish you never close in yourself, do not despair and do not push away all those who are near, who love and are ready to help. Don't be ashamed or afraid to accept any help from friends and professionals. After all, if you don’t survive your pain today, you risk realizing at the end of your life that you lived only with it, that you ate and savored it all the way! Isn't the price too high? Isn't our life (and the life of those who are connected with us) worth at least a little effort to resolve suffering, heal the heart and ease our soul?! published

Each of us at least once in life faced with such a condition as mental pain. It can occur after the death of a close, dear and beloved person. Also, mental pain visits us when parting or parting with a person who is very dear to us. Mental pain appears when our personal self-consciousness suffers, we feel bad and our mind is looking for some way out of this situation.

What is heartache

Is there an organ in our body called the soul? Any doctor will say no. But why does it hurt then? In fact, mental pain manifests itself in the discomfort of consciousness, in violation of the integral "I". When it is difficult for you, it hurts, you do not want to accept a life situation and put up with it, your soul refutes information from the outside.

With mental pain, the heart contracts, as if in a vise, it becomes difficult for you to breathe, your eyes are clouded, and your thoughts are concentrated on only one situation in your life. Mental pain does not allow a normal life, work, study. With severe mental pain, a person stops any social life, he closes himself within four walls and endlessly thinks, thinks, thinks ... Perhaps he is wondering if everything could have been different, if he could have prevented the current situation.

The human soul is like a living being that gets sick during a period of serious emotional upheaval. And this soul, of course, must be treated so that it does not die. After all, if the soul dies, a person becomes cold, indifferent and angry at the whole world. This cannot be allowed.

Causes of mental pain

Mental pain can visit us in different life situations.

1. The loss loved one causes severe mental pain. At first, a person cannot come to terms with what happened. He denies what happened in every possible way and does not want to accept it. Gradually, his consciousness accepts and puts up with what happened - this is the next stage of experiencing what happened. A person learns to live without the deceased, builds his life without him. All stages of suffering from loss must be gradual and consistent in order for a person to get rid of mental pain in the required time frame.
   Usually grief passes in a year of absence of a loved one and native person. After that, there is humility. Even in religion there are rules according to which one cannot cry for a long time for a dead person, because "he becomes ill in the next world." Whether this is true, no one can verify, but long suffering, indeed, will not lead to anything good.
2. Parting with a loved one. This is also one of the strongest experiences. When a close loved one leaves, the world collapses, as well as all the plans for a life together. It is important not to forget the reason for the breakup. Did he leave you? Then why do you need it? If a person could not consider all your virtues, you should not run after him and humiliate yourself. There will be someone who appreciates you. And if you left him, then do not forget about the reasons why you made such a decision. Every time you think about his “beautiful eyes”, remember why you decided to leave.
3. Illness of a family member or friend. It is also quite a strong and painful feeling. Especially when the disease is serious. Mental pain gnaws at any stage of the disease, especially if the child is sick. Parents experience incredible guilt. It seems to them that they could save, secure, notice minor symptoms earlier. The feeling of guilt for neglecting the child gnaws from the inside. In this case, you need to try to pull yourself together, and tell yourself that you are not to blame for anything. It could happen to anyone. And in general, you have every opportunity to return a sick person to his former life. Be strong at least for his sake. And don't stop fighting.
4. Betrayal. When a betrayal of a dear and close person occurs, mental pain envelops all the insides. This is very difficult to bear. This is not only about adultery, although this is also, of course, a betrayal of pure water. A close friend or relative can also betray. After betrayal, the main thing is not to get angry at the whole world and not to harden. You need to accept that people are different and you got not the best copy.
5. Humiliation. For a person, this feeling is another catalyst for severe mental pain. Children suffer when parents punish them undeservedly and unfairly, a wife suffers from a tyrant husband, subordinates tiptoe in front of a demon boss in fear of losing their jobs. Such destruction of the personality can be found all the time, it has a very strong effect on the psyche. The raped woman experiences the strongest emotional experiences - emotional pain remains with her almost until the end of her life. Getting rid of such an experience is not easy, because each time we scroll through the events of the ill-fated day and remember everything in detail. Any memory is like a knife pierces our heart. In this case, you need to understand that you are not to blame for the current situation, you were just a victim in this case. Find the strength in yourself to accept this case and step over it. Become stronger and prevent what happened later in life.

These are the main, but far from all, reasons why a person may experience mental pain. Anything can happen in life, because life is a series of good and bad moments, and you need to be able to cope with the negative.

1. First and foremost. After you have suffered, accepted and experienced the situation, you cannot be left alone with it. You can’t close in on yourself and suffer, suffer, suffer. Your family, friends and relatives should help you with this. They should always occupy you with something interesting, exciting. Try not to sit at home, go out for a walk, just wander around the city. Four walls won't cure your heartache.
2. If your pain is mixed with anger, it needs to be poured out. Are you angry at a specific person, situation, life or fate? Buy a punching bag home and hit it as much as you want. So you can throw out your emotions and experiences.
3. Animals are considered the best remedy for mental pain. They are incredibly easy to relieve anxiety, worries, stress. Instead of a melancholy cat, it is better to choose a perky dog ​​that will not leave you sitting still. A trip to the dolphinarium will also be effective. Dolphins have unique ability energize and give the desire to live.
4. Forgive and ask for forgiveness. If guilt is the cause of your heartache, repent. Ask for forgiveness from the person you offended. Conversely, if you are angry with someone, stop doing it. Mentally release the person and be glad for the situation that has happened. For example, if you were betrayed, understand that it's good that it happened now, and not many years later. If you were offended undeservedly and very strongly - let go and believe that fate will reward the offender according to his deserts and avenge you.
5. Get creative. After all, mental pain creates a gap and a void that needs to be filled with something. Drawing, dancing, music, singing, embroidery helps to cope with emotional experiences. You will be able to throw all your pain into this activity and get rid of it forever.
6. Constant self-destruction can lead to a real disease of the body. So stop blaming yourself for what happened. Try to get rid of mental pain through physical activity. An excellent choice is running. While running through the alleys, park or forest, you can be alone with yourself, listen to music and finally understand what exactly excites you. Another real way relieve stress - this is swimming. The water will take all your worries away with it. Physical activity releases positive hormones that help you deal with emotional stress.
7. There is another way to get rid of worries and pain. Write everything that worries you on paper. All your tears, worries, worries - everything that makes you suffer. And then burn your letter and scatter the ashes to the wind. This psychological reception will make you mentally let go of your emotional state.

How to prevent the return of heartache

Some people like to suffer. They have not experienced experiences for a long time, but they are satisfied with the role of the victim. But we know that you are not like that. Therefore, by all means try to get rid of mental pain forever.

Don't make an icon of your loss. If you are faced with such a terrible situation as the death of a loved one, survive it with dignity. In order not to return to the past every time, give away all the things of the deceased, leaving something for yourself as a keepsake. It is not necessary to leave the room in the same form as it was "with him / her." This will make you suffer even more.

If you broke up with your love, you do not need to leave all your joint photos in the room in the most visible place. It brings you back to the worries and anxieties, to the days past life. If you really want to get rid of heartache, get rid of this pedestal of sacrifice immediately.

Mental pain is characteristic of everyone, because we are living people with our own feelings and emotions. If your soul hurts, then you have it. Do not dwell on your shock, try to move further into the future. Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, remember that.

Video: how to overcome heartache

The soul hurts differently than the body. Sometimes it is difficult to come to your senses after certain temptations. What do those who know by experience how to gain psychological health write?

Righteous John of Kronstadt (1829-1908)

The treatment of mental diseases (passions) is completely different from the treatment of bodily diseases. In bodily illnesses, one must dwell on the illness, caress the sore spot with mild remedies, warm water, warm poultices, etc., but in mental illnesses it is not so: an illness has attacked you - do not dwell on it with attention, by no means caressing it, do not indulge it, do not warm her, but beat her, crucify her, do something completely contrary to what she asks.

Saint Silouan of Athos (1866-1938)

Good to learn to live according to the will of God. Then the soul abides unceasingly in God and is very calm.

Hieromonk Peter (Seregin) (1895-1982)

It often happens that even with good material security and good relations with our neighbors, our hearts are gnawed by sins and passions, like fierce snakes. And if we resort to spiritual and moral means, we get rid of pride and exaltation and are freed from vanity, envy and anger, displeasure and the lusts of the flesh that give rise to them; our inner life, under the influence of the grace of God, is cleansed of irritability, fear, and sinful anxiety, and the peace of God overshadows our soul; we feel joy in the Lord.

The chains of sin weaken, and some fall off completely, and we feel completely happy, in the fullness of life, despite various external material and other worldly conditions.

Holy Scripture is a spiritual pharmacy, in which the compassionate Heavenly Father hid various healings for us. We have various infirmities in our souls, ailments and illnesses, and therefore we demand various kinds of medicine, because we find everything in Holy Scripture. There, with the help of the Holy Spirit, who spoke through the prophets and apostles, everyone will find healing for their infirmities: the sad - consolation, the doubting - reason and affirmation, the ignorant - instruction and knowledge. There is hidden advice to those who are perplexed, and ignorant of reason, and consolation to the sad.

Elder Paisius Svyatogorets (1924-1994)

If a person has self-will, self-confidence and self-pleasing, then, even being smart even seven spans in his forehead, he will suffer constantly. He gets confused, ties himself hand and foot, he has problems. To find his way, he must open his heart to some confessor and humbly ask him for help. However, some go to a psychiatrist instead of a confessor. If the psychiatrist turns out to be a believer, he will lead them to a confessor. And the unbelieving psychiatrist will limit himself to giving them some pills. However, pills by themselves do not solve the problem.

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk (1724-1783)

A beginner in faith can be likened to a weak person who, seeing his incurable illness, desires and seeks a skillful physician. Thus, a sinner, seeing through the law his sinful infirmity, from which he cannot be freed by his own strength, desires and seeks a doctor who could free him from that infirmity.

Schemamonk Zosima (XVII-XIX centuries)

Is anyone dead or godless or sinful, who can resurrect him? The Word of God, which is life. Has anyone gone astray in the darkness of heresy or in the path of a corrupt life, who can enlighten him or turn him to the path of salvation? The Word of God, which is light and truth. Is anyone sick in soul: the Word of God for healing. Is it hard of heart? The Word of God softens him. Is the despairing sinner? The Word of God draws him to repentance. Is it crushed by sorrows or temptations? The Word of God is his comfort and admonition and strengthening.

Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow (1783-1867)

Nothing is as important to a person as faith. Not only bliss depends on it future life but also the well-being of real life.

Doctor Sergey Apraksin (XIX-XX centuries)

Poor man! Instead of telling him: “think about the reasons for your nervousness, fill your spiritual emptiness with faith and hope in God, develop a different attitude to life with all its sorrows and joys,” they say to him: “you are sick, go and get treated”, and here the unfortunate one runs or goes to the doctors, they seek salvation from his mental illness.

Here the question is solved for the most part very simply: the word “neurasthenia” is pronounced, a comprehensive word, although it does not express anything definite (and the patient thinks that they have understood his illness), and the usual treatment begins ...

This usually goes on for several years (and sometimes the whole life), until, finally, the exhausted person realizes that the nervous “I can’t”, under the influence of various factors, easily turns into “I can” by the person himself ...

The most irritable person, caught during a family scene, for example, by an outsider, a little known person, quickly restrains himself, turns "I can't" into "I can." He who does not tolerate objections from his subordinates due to nervousness - pretends to be a meek lamb when his superiors sneak through him. In a word, various kinds of influence: shame in front of people, fear for one's official position, passionate love and other factors easily turn the nervous "I can't" into "I can".

This means that we ourselves always have that lever with which we are ready to turn ourselves over, we just need to want to use it and not let it out of our hands. And when a person, exhausted by eternal treatment and all other unpleasant consequences of his illness, understands this, understands that the remedy for nervousness is in himself, and not in those numerous vials that he previously emptied in abundance and without benefit, only then, having abandoned all treatment , he finally achieves, with the help of God, little by little either a complete, or at least a relative, but lasting recovery ...

The whole trouble is that we care too much about the development of external senses from sight to taste and too little about the development of speculation, which is called in the prayers “eyes of the mind”, “mind and eyes of the heart, even to salvation.” These "eyes" are given to man by God for the knowledge of great truths...

The fact that faith in us is very weak, that the attitude towards life is the most impossible, of course, is most of all to blame for our upbringing, but every adult person can re-educate himself and develop a correct Christian outlook on life if he uses the means indicated for this by the Church. Prayer is the most important of these means. There are few unbelievers at all, most of those of little faith, with this grain of faith, start praying, and you will soon feel that this grain will begin to break through, after a while it will already give a sprout, from which over time a mighty tree will grow. Under the canopy of this tree, it will be easy and pleasant to rest from the heavy heat of human passions and from the storm of worldly bad weather, and in due time you will reap the fruit.

Just start praying, and faith itself will come to you, and if it was weak, it will strengthen and little by little, your attitude to life will gradually change. Prayer will distract you at least for a while from ordinary worldly thoughts and interests, will attract your mind to the heavenly, will make you involuntarily think about what you had hardly thought about before, will make you feel a lot and with the help of the grace of God will change your former way of thinking, will root your faith. and striving for the Christian ideal. Healing from a grave and sad in its consequences spiritual illness of lack of faith, prayer, combined with strict obedience to the church regime, can greatly help us with bodily ailments. We have seen how useful prayer is, combined with hope and faith in God, in certain nervous conditions, which are based on spiritual emptiness and weakness of will ...

Life shows us numerous examples where a nervous person, having been treated for several years without any result, quickly achieves a complete or at least relative, but lasting recovery after he turns to God and begins to live according to the rules of the Church. At least I know a few such examples, I think that everyone else knows a lot of them. And with other nervous ailments, the significance of the above factors is important. Take, for example, the notorious brain fatigue, which modern medicine assigns a prominent place among other causes of modern nervousness. It turns out that strenuous work by itself rarely causes a persistent nervous illness, but is dangerous only when combined with vice and human passions ...

Here is what Prof. Strümpel: “... We see, therefore, that the exhaustion of the nervous system, which is the essence of neurasthenia, is mainly the mental work of people, accompanied by unrest of fear and hope, the mental tension of a politician who is constantly agitated by the passionate struggle of parties, and finally, the efforts of the mind of those artists and scientists, whose indefatigable ambition drives them to keep up with the competition.”

From this it follows that faith and the relation to life, to wealth, fame, ambition, and so on, which follows from it, is a powerful prophylactic agent here too ...

The best preventive measure is the upbringing of the younger generation on strictly religious and moral principles. The main task of upbringing (in the family and at school) should be the desire to instill in the soul of the child the fear of God and true love for God.

When the disease has developed, the best remedy is prayer. It is necessary to pray every day in the morning, in the evening, reading the morning and evening rule, at least in a somewhat abbreviated form, with attention, trying to delve into the meaning of each word.

In addition, to read every day those selected places from the Gospel and the Apostle, which are read on the corresponding day at the church service. Do not neglect public worship, but attend the temple of God, at least on holidays and Sundays(vespers and Mass), while choosing the temple where the service is more magnificent, and most importantly, where they read legibly and serve slowly.

Go to bed at least once a year. Observe the fasts and all other decrees of the Church, remembering that they were created by great people who understood human nature much better than the most prominent contemporary sages. In all other ways: by reflection, by a soul-saving conversation, by reading the works of the great Fathers of the Church, try to strengthen faith in yourself, to educate in your soul the consciousness of all beauty. Christian ideal and develop a Christian attitude to life phenomena ...

Remember that at the first time of such a life, a second source of thought will certainly open in you with greater or lesser force, thoughts that are bad, contradictory, seductive, creating whole line known kind of "temptations". Do not give in to this, but pray persistently, with hope and patience, remembering the following words of the Savior from the parable of the unjust judge: “Hear what the unjust judge says. Will God not protect His chosen ones who cry out to Him day and night, although He is slow to defend them?

A. Demkin
If the soul hurts ... What to do if the soul feels bad?

© 2011-2015, Andrey Demkin, St. Petersburg.
Reprinting or other full or partial reproduction of the material is permitted only with the written permission of the author.

What to do if the soul hurts, if the soul feels bad?

10 steps out of the crisis.

10 steps of personal experience of getting out of a spiritual crisis. One of the solutions.

"There is no salvation without sorrows, but the Kingdom of Heaven awaits those who endure."
Reverend Seraphim Sarovskiy

Each of us had, is and will have moments or periods when the soul is unbearably ill, when the soul hurts and mourns. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to eat, I don't want to move... At such moments, I can't believe that someday my soul will get better and learn to be happy again. It is impossible to look into the future in such a state. You see only a blank wall in front of you and bitter losses or mistakes behind you. Do not sleep at night. There is no strength for anything ... It is very, very difficult to get out of such a state of mind. The soul hurts, the soul hurts...

Reading time: 2 min

Mental pain is emotional suffering, unpleasant and painful in its sensations for a person. Mental pain is also referred to as the pain of the soul body and reckoned with the loss of survival potential. Often it is much more dangerous than bodily diseases, because it causes disturbances in the work of all internal organs and provokes malfunctions throughout the body.

How to deal with heartache

Emotional suffering develops when experiencing a life event or greatly worrying about a loved one. Mental pain is often inherent in a person when his personal ideas do not coincide with what is happening in reality. This is because significant experiences leading to are due to patterns formed in the human brain, and reality is not what the individual expects it to be. All these disappointments lead to emotional suffering.

Mental pain by a person can be experienced both explicitly and covertly, when a person suffers, but does not admit it to himself.

How to deal with mental pain? A person copes with mental pain in several ways. In one case, mental pain moves from a conscious sensation to the subconscious and the individual mistakenly believes that he is no longer suffering. In fact, what happens is that a person simply avoids pain, and transfers it to the subconscious.

If an individual is inclined to demonstrate his actions and feelings, then this means that he gives vent to his mental pain. A person in such cases begins to consult with friends, acquaintances, seeks salvation in eliminating the root of the problem.

For example, if relationships with parents cause mental pain, then a person is looking for all possible ways to find a common language with them.

If a person has chosen a method of avoidance, then this method is expressed in not recognizing the problem, often the individual says that everything is fine with him and does not even admit to himself in personal experiences. In this case, mental pain persists, passing into an implicit, subconscious form. This state is very difficult to cope with, it is painful for a person, much more emotional than an open confession, as well as saying the problem out loud.

How to get rid of mental pain

It is very difficult to get rid of latent pain, it is characterized by a protracted (for years!) course. At the same time, a person's character, relationships with others change. A person with mental pain begins to attract negative people to himself, gradually changing the level of acquaintances, or completely abandons them, forever excluding communication with people.

Often, emotional suffering does not allow an individual to create, work, it torments him, and a person often does not understand what is happening to him. Separate situations are able to remind a person of those moments that caused pain in his soul many years ago. This is due to the fact that emotions were driven into the subconscious many years ago, so a person cries and worries, not fully understanding what is happening to him, for example, after watching a emotional scene from a movie. In cases where you cannot cope with mental pain on your own, you need the help of a specialist or a loved one who is ready to listen to you.

Heartache after a breakup

Psychological reactions to the end of a relationship with a loved one have much in common with the reaction to physical loss, namely, the death of a loved one. The emotional pain after parting with a loved one can drag on for many months and years. During this period, a person is acutely worried. Experiences include stages of resentment, denial and pain.

Initially, there is a stage of denial, which manifests itself in the subconscious refusal of a person to objectively relate to the breakup and be aware of the end of the relationship.

The pain after a breakup is aggravated by the realization that a loved one is no more, and will never be there again. The moment a person realizes and accepts reality, he will stop suffering. This understanding does not come overnight. The duration of this period depends on the continuation of contacts with the former lover. To make it easier and faster to go through this stage of mental suffering, psychologists advise to abandon all contacts, as well as get rid of all objects that remind of past relationships.

The period of denial is replaced by a period of resentment, which is characterized by accusations former lover in all sins and the desire of the offended to take revenge, especially if the reason for the gap was treason.

Psychologically, this is understandable: blaming another person is much easier than admitting part of your guilt in a similar situation yourself. This stage is marked by the emergence of an emotional block: there is a loop on negative experiences, which significantly delays the period of psychological recovery. At the next stage of the life crisis, worries about lost time in relationships that were in vain develop. Such experiences are accompanied by a fear of loneliness, as well as the uncertainty of the future, the fear that it will not be possible to build new relationships.

Most psychologists are inclined to believe that tears, suffering and reflection in loneliness are an obligatory, as well as a necessary part in overcoming this life crisis. There is nothing wrong with wanting to cry. Allow yourself to suffer and cry - this will bring relief and lead to recovery.

If, nevertheless, a decision was made to break up, then the lost relationship should not be restored, and for this reason, indulge in sad memories, call, and also meet. This will only slow down and make it more difficult to overcome emotional suffering.

Women often need more time than men to forget about an ex-partner, because for women, loving a man is the most important part of life. For a man, the priority in life is often work, as well as a career. In addition, it is usually easier for men to find a new partner.

Psychologists advise, left alone, to do. If, nevertheless, for two years, mental pain after parting worries, then it is necessary to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist who will help in solving this problem.

Severe mental pain

Edwin Shneidman American psychologist gave the following unique definition of mental pain. It is not like physical or bodily pain. Mental pain is manifested in experiences that are often caused by the grieving person himself.

Mental pain, filled with suffering, is an expression of the loss of the meaning of life. It is marked by torment, longing, confusion. This state gives rise to loneliness, grief, guilt, humiliation, shame, before the inevitability - aging, death, physical illness.

Eliminating the cause of suffering helps to get rid of severe mental pain. If the cause of emotional suffering is the negative behavior of a person regarding you, then in this case it is necessary to eliminate these causes, and not extinguish your emotions regarding this person. For example, if you are having trouble with your boss that provoked heartache, then you should work on your relationship with him, and not on your emotions and how you feel about it. You should find a common language or quit.

If emotional suffering is caused by an irreparable situation (illness or death), then you should work on the perception of reality and your emotions.

Mental pain lasts from six months to a year with the loss of a loved one. Only after this period of time, psychologists advise building new relationships in order not to repeat the same mistakes.

How to relieve mental pain? It is necessary to admit to yourself that an unpleasant situation has already occurred. This can alleviate your condition.

Second, go through the period of pain and come to your senses. Then we build a new future, but without these circumstances or this person. For example, without a favorite job or a loved one. Mentally build everything in detail, how you will live on. Often real world becomes in a person the way he himself sees it in his imagination.

Often, severe mental pain is hidden under other masks and is confused with anger, disappointment, resentment.

How to deal with severe emotional pain? Find people who are worse off than you. Show them care. This way you will switch from your problem.

Master the system of correct breathing: with a long inhalation and a short exhalation. Proper breathing can help your body cells recover quickly, strengthen the nervous system.

Say something nice to people every day, positive emotions will also be transferred to you.

Follow the daily routine, get enough sleep, this will help restore nerve cells.

Take your mind off your worries by dancing, jogging, walking, push-ups, physical exercises. Sign up for a massage.

Avoid the return of intense mental suffering. Scientists are inclined to believe that a person stays in a state of depression for a quarter of an hour, and the rest of the time he himself creates mental suffering for himself, prolonging and aggravating them. That's why great importance has the ability not to return mental pain again, which is facilitated by situations from the past that provoked experiences.

Doctor of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMedoMed"